I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
