Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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