I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
