I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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