so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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