Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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