I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
