I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Are we still banned from the library?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
