Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
