I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
