im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
