i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
