Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
