There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
