If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
