Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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