Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
