I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
