did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize