when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
