If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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