I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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