chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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