The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
