i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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