Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
