he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
