I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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