1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
