Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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