I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
