You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
