Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
