If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
