Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
