yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
