Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize