This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
