Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
