6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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