she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Boobs speak an international language.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
