I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
