Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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