so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
