last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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