Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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