Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
