we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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