Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i out mim tonsoeep
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
