yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize