do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
