We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
