Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
