Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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