Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
