When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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