My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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