It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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