Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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