Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
