There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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