"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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