this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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