She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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