people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
