It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
