Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
