dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
