you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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