I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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