i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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