That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
