This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
