I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
