It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
