I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
