O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
