My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
