I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
