Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
