the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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