i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
