i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
