office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
