Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
