and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize