she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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