I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
time to smoke my breakfast
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
