His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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