i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
