FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
