That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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