i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
