Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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