I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
