No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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