Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
