So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
