so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
