eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
