Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
