You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
