she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
