your parents love me but you hate me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just had sex bonerless
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
