Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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