just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
