we made out on top of his cat.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
