Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
