I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize